A tribute to the writings of Christopher Poindexter.
I am quite certain there is only one. The same one in all the lives and movies and books and letters. The same one that fits the experience of all human beings who stood with their own profound loneliness, allowed themselves to experience the fullness of their own terrible fears, and crossed beyond all that…because of all that…to embrace true love.
We don’t all arrive in this world in a cradle of connection and peace. I’m not sure anyone does. What I know for sure is that we all struggle in our own ways…with demons real and imagined, with brokenness, with restlessness and impatience, with questions for which often there are no answers except the asking of more questions and the finding of that delicate balance between the mystery and the certainty we need in order to live in the world.
So then, how does one find words to describe that beautiful and necessary love story which is the only thing that can enable us to, once again, become what we are in essence………which is Love.
Often, we find that description in the gift of another’s words…words that mirror our own voice and experience. I found such words just the other day in the quotes and poems by Christopher Poindexter. We can switch names, swap “he” for “she”, blue eyes for brown or green, the sea for meadows or mountains. It makes no difference. In the end, it’s the same story.
And it begins with discomfort, loneliness and fear, the fundamental struggle…
“I am filled with things and I battle feelings
I have never wanted to exist inside of me.
I lack too much confidence and I carry too
much sadness and my body is full of stars
that never learned their name. I wear my
insecurities like pockets and I fill them
with my fears and my hands are growing tired
from reaching down into them to hold the
feeling of being afraid. I am afraid. Always
afraid. Afraid like chimes when the winds lips
are sealed. Afraid like your eyes when the stars
fall asleep in the black. Afraid like dreams
when they realize they are just dreams and that
reality is that one scar that will never
I am, terrified. Terrified that the things
inside me are the things that will keep me
from ever finding a home inside someone
“Sometimes, I sit alone under the stars
and think of the galaxies inside my
heart, and truly wonder if anyone will
ever want to make sense of all that
And then, suddenly, unexpectedly, someone appears in your life and you just are not the same.
“I am always
I think that’s
what love is:
rebirth over and
over and over
every single day
like the sun
when it explodes
into the calm
of his heartbeat,
and in a matter of seconds
fell terribly in love
with the way
her loneliness fell
softly and suddenly,
in his chest.”
Yes, that necessary someone who helps us understand and love what is necessary to our own being within ourselves.
“It was like watching
the sun set over an
exhausted horizon; seeing
her fall softly asleep in
I always felt this connection
between her and the universe,
like every time I experienced her,
I was experiencing the universe.
It was something I could never shake.
Something I could never fathom into
even the most delicate words.”
“She was constantly intrigued by things
Most people never think about,
That is why I needed her –
To be the things I couldn’t.”